poem

yearning to hear his voice

smell his skin

touch his face, his shoulder, his hair

look into his beautiful eyes

his eyes like rare jewels with a spark of knowing

always with a hint of mischief

i want to say the words one more time

so he can hear them

oscar i love you

you are my life, my soul, everything that is good about me

my reason for living

my first baby

you have taught me everything about life that is worth knowing

please don’t go

please stay

but it is too late for all of that

he is already gone

he has already left

the pain i feel cannot be defined by words

every single moment i feel his absence

whether waking or sleeping

i feel his absence

my life is now defined by the death of my oldest child

his death from a disease shrouded in taboo

and not understood

largely because it makes people uncomfortable to speak the words

pediatric suicide

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